I’m Difficult. Deal with it. [Mood – Pensive]

You really only learn about yourself with age.  Have you learned anything about you recently?

I am 26 years old. Just an unh over two and a half decades. I can count my age in decades though.  Plural.  When I realized that for the first time is the first time I felt old.  And, I still haven’t done much with my life. It disappoints me to say the least.

Don’t know where I am going with this so please bear with me.  I am merely putting thoughts to blog as I would to paper.

I may be currently in the best shape of my life, but I get aches and my bones crack. I feel mentally old and drained.  Years flash by so quick it feels like I was 12 just last week.  Yet with all this mileage I still don’t truly know myself.

On the physical side of things, I am somewhere between fit and athletic both in look and ability.  I think I am attractive and at least some other people seem to agree.  Those things haven’t changed much throughout my lifetime.

When it comes to my personality, I guess mine is as dynamic as anyone else’s.  The traits that remain constant though are my argumentativeness, sarcasm, wit, stubbornness, compassion and competitiveness.

But, what have I learned recently?

Well this year has taught me…

That I can never be truly religious.  There are too many things in the bible which make no sense or are open to question.  This is not too say that I do not believe in God or at least some omnipotent and omnipresent entity because I do.  I am just not sure about how he is depicted in the good book.  Having been written by man and translated by man dozens, hundreds of times, who can say with certainty that what remains is what transpired?  No one still alive, that’s for sure.  I am left to believe that the bible is a mix of history and exaggeration.  As much as atheists may wish to crucify it, it’s impossible to deny that if one was to follow the commandments that you would live a fairly care free life.

About relationships and all their joys and pitfalls.  There is nothing as important as someone who has your back no matter what.  Almost.  Not only do they need to have your back but they need to provide you with a comparative amount of support and be able to communicate.  To be a lover and a friend.  You also need someone you cannot get enough of.  Someone you love completely.  Someone you find irresistible.  Someone who would find it hard, if not impossible to push away.  Someone who accepts you for all that you are and all that you are not.  That is alot of someones.  Not everyone can be all of them at once and those who can, in my experience, are rare tending to imaginary.  This is why I think I have loved or fallen for more than one woman in the last third of my life and have been confused about the situation for the last two years.

I don’t know what to think about monogamy.  Since secondary school I have questioned it and still do even today, even moreso.  I don’t think it’s natural, but I don’t think having random sex with any and every one while in a relationship is the way to go either.  Emotions are dangerous things to play with after all.

School work makes me delinquent.  Yes, I am that guy who waits til last minute to do everything.  I don’t know why.  I just never know what to do when I start things early.  Pressure makes me focus.  I am trying to change that cause it avoids stress when you get things done ahead of schedule but, I relapse often.  It’s one thing I truly want to change but I am not sure if I ever will.

That I am an oxymoron.  If I can get in a groove with something and make it consistent, whether it be exercising or some kind of work, I’ll just steam on ahead like the little train that could.  Let me miss one session, whole apple cart turn over.  I’ll start making excuses to myself and arguing why I should be able to not do what I am supposed to and I am very good at arguing.  Yet if I am not doing anything for some serious length of time I get pissed at myself even while I continue to persuade me into doing nothing.  That is one trait that I don’t just want gone.  It needs to go.  It isn’t healthy at all.  I think it has to do with my determination though and I have been trying to work on that.

So I finally made it.  To the end of this post and onto wordpress.  I created this blog last year with the intention of transferring my first one over here once I learned the ropes of this whole blogging business.  But, your first is always the one you are most attached to, so I could never bring myself to do it.  I think this will be where I will share my more personal thoughts and other things which affect me that I can’t share on my main blog.

And, it’s all because of this…

Greatest moustaches in videogame history!

Who would have thought that not being able to post a gif in blogger would be the catalyst for my foray on wordpress.  By the way, I’ll be putting random links in the images sometimes.  Your welcome.

Seeya Folks!

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